Playing it too Safe?

The Euro-train

I woke up after a small nap, overwhelmed with thoughts, and started journaling. I was on a train—aka Euro-train—glancing at the beautiful, picturesque landscapes of the Czech Republic, comparing them with those of Germany, which we had crossed about 30 minutes ago. It felt like a dream I hadn't even fully materialised—a dream I had easily given up on when I came to Berlin in 2020 and decided to go back to India in just 10 days.

Lost Opportunity

I had my first opportunity to move to Germany in late 2019. Without thinking through the details—let alone preparing for my big move—I came to Berlin in January 2020 and started feeling homesick from the moment I landed. I had been living away from my parents for the past eight years or so, but this feeling was different. It was hard for me to understand. The force of intuition felt too strong to resist. Every particle of my body was insisting I leave and head back to India.

A few people I knew back then tried to help—giving me positive perspectives, telling me it’s normal to feel this way, and that things would be fine in a few weeks. But I simply couldn’t. In the middle of the night, I booked tickets for the first flight to Delhi—the cheapest and fastest option I could find. In less than two weeks, I was on a plane headed back to India.

On that plane ride, I was watching a movie where three friends were on a Euro trip, traveling across countries by Euro-train. My mind kept questioning me: “What have you done?” Going back to India without giving the new place a chance seemed like the most irrational decision I’d ever made. I’d spent a good amount of money on the move—all of which was supposed to be reimbursed by my employer in Germany. I had vaguely informed them after boarding my flight. I lost the money, the job, and had no idea what might come next. On top of that, I’d lost the opportunity to travel through the EU.

Throughout that journey, my mind kept ruminating on all the things I’d be missing out on. In response, I had only one answer: “Not now, I will come again.” Logically, it was a poor decision. But intuitively, it felt like the most powerful decision I’d ever made. A few weeks later, the world was hit by COVID and subsequent lockdowns. I felt lucky to be back home. Slowly, things fell into place.

Two years later, when the world was recovering from COVID, I got another opportunity to come to Berlin. This time, I thought it through—not too much, but just enough that I wouldn’t head back in 2 weeks again 😄. It’s been 3 years now. As I was writing while traveling on that Euro-train, it felt like things had come full circle.

Taking Risks

As much as luck played a role in my story—and still continues to—I believe taking those risks was necessary for luck to do its part. In the last 10 years, I left my ‘secure’ jobs twice, took those risks, and the payoffs were beautiful. I learned many lessons along the way.

Admittedly though, I was still playing it somewhat safe and didn’t try anything radically different. Neither did I know what else to do. The only thing I knew well was how to write code, and it got me the reward the world programs us to chase—money. But how would I even know what else is possible if I don’t try? So, here I am. I enjoy programming and value it immensely as a skill. However, I believe there’s more for me to do. I believe I can be more useful and serve the world in ways I haven’t yet explored. We all can. But it requires us to step out of the seemingly safe circles and take contrary actions. I am on that journey, once again.

Giving up the idea of staying in the EU and returning later in a better position taught me a lesson—it's okay to give up short-term rewards sometimes and make decisions that might seem intimidating. Fears usually stems from not knowing. But how would we ever get to know if we keep playing it safe and never take that risk?

A beautiful world might be waiting for us on the other side of fear :)